Drunks, Kids and Yoga Pants Always Tell the Truth 
“I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a GYou Don’t Have to be Lonely” 
I If you ever fee think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades 
If you ever feel bad about your life just go to WalmartWhat 
What is a Shih Tzu? … A zoo with no animals. 
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer 
If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the refrigerator? 
Look at those Melons! 
I’m confused … IDK if I lost my horse or found a rope! 
If ignorance is bliss, why is the world a happier place? 
Don’t eat too much Cake … Gotta save room for Ice Cream 
I’d never go to someone’s funeral after they didn’t come to mine 
Eleventeen percent of people make up words 
I never drink, I just disinfect internal injuries 
Half of a large intestine equals a semicolon 
Married men live longer than single men, but they’re alot more willing to die 
Support your local search and rescue unit. Get Lost! 
I have a strong will but a weak won’t 
Therapy helps but screaming obscenities is cheaper 
Turkey and Undressing 
Wanna be thinner? … Eat less dinner! 
I’ve got more gas the Exxon 
Grandma said the best place to go when you are broke is to work!
